Do I Need a Spiritual Partner?

Do you think a relationship can work if one of the partners is interested in spirituality and the other one cares about achievements and material things? The “problem” I have with my fiancé is I became very interested in understanding life, understanding why am I here, in understanding Presence and I’m kind of refusing the material, “real” world. He sometimes accuses me of not fighting any more for a good future; he talks about getting a new car or our own apartment, but these subjects have become less important to me. My fiancé says that I sometimes go to extremes with this self-development and I ignore real life. It might be right… but I am just not so interested in all the things I used to like. I sometimes feel that my relationship will end one day because we’ve started to have such different interests. It hurts sometimes that I can’t discuss subjects that are so fascinating for me with my fiancé. I think a loving relationship is about being the real me with him and not having to shut up when I discover something because all he really wants to talk about is the new Mercedes and how good and valuable we are because we have this or that…

Dear friend,
There is no doubt that, if one is spiritually inclined, it is very helpful to search for people and relationships that can feed and support that inclination.

Many spiritually inclined people dream of finding a so-called spiritual partner in the belief that if they do, their spiritual life will grow. And yes, there is some truth to it… but only some.

When one gets started in the spiritual world, the first step is to take some of the attention from the world outside into the inner world. This seems clear and straightforward enough. But one can do this in many different ways, as different as the methods one needs to use in order to learn how to swim, to cook or to dance, which means that, at least at the superficial level, they may seem to contradict each other.

I have seen many couples that started with similar views and hopes and, after a while, found themselves completely divided over their views and beliefs on what is true and what is not.

Also, many times the so called ‘spiritual people’ can be, deep in their psychology, much more difficult, problematic and narrow-minded than other people.

True spirituality is independent of circumstances (although good circumstances really help) but completely dependent on one’s intense desire for it.

So there is no clear answer to your question. Yes, it is very helpful to surround oneself with like-minded people in order to strengthen and further one’s desire for the truth. But finding a spiritual partner may also, in the long term, be as much a help as it could be a difficulty.

What I am much more certain about is that a relationship should be based on love, which means understanding, respect and acceptance of each other’s needs and the freedom to follow one’s heart. With this at its basis (independent if this love comes from a ‘spiritual’ or ‘materialistic’ person), anything else needed will be added onto it.

Without this freedom… you fill up the dots.

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‘I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.’ 
Rainer Maria Rilke